for what it's worth

These are my peeps. We try to get together once a month to celebrate birthdays, but really, we come together to let lose! We span the board in age, personality and talent. We are a motley crew to say the least. We often find ourselves the subject of stares and head shakes when in public. There is no topic we won’t breach. Nothing is taboo for us. In fact, the more forbidden the better! We hoot and holler till we cry or wet our pants, whichever comes first. We relentlessly give each other hell and love it. We laugh at each other and with each other. It is the best and cheapest therapy. There are times we band together and pick each other up during life. Many tears have been shed and broken hearts mended between us. We have been through death, adoptions, sickness, career changes and weddings together. We are a safe place to come apart in. There is nothing we won’t face together. We are real and in the middle of life together. There is always something to celebrate, to find joy in and th

My mind works in strange ways. When I am in pain I often find myself thinking about what color my pain is. Maybe it’s the wanna-be artist in me, or the wanna-be decorator, but I think of things in color before numbers. In the hospital, you are constantly asked what your pain level is on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst. My pain chart starts off with yellow. A soft yellow is a dull ache, something tolerable, you might even take Tylenol but it’s not a must. As the yellow deepens and becomes darker, maybe with hints of orange -the pain is a little more noticeable. It won’t keep you from doing anything but you will be popping some kind of over the counter pain remedy. But then, if the orange hints begin to take over and the color is closer to that of red, well- that’s a different story. Red pain is much stronger, bolder and demands to be noticed. Sometimes you can even see the fire red pain in the area affected. Weather it be a true manifestation of color on the skin or the radia

I have had an awesome 2 weeks since returning home from the fitness ranch. I am amazed at the things I've learned and actually been able to incorporate into my life since. Thankful for the super cool people I met while there too. My life has been greatly enriched and my heart has swelled with new friendships. (This pic is at the top of a "hill" we climbed on a long hike: 9-miles to be exact.) The biggest impact was the breaking down of some mental strongholds I had. I didn't realize how I had handicapped myself with this stupid disease. I am a positive person and try to look at the glass half full whenever I can, but this dang UC really did a number on me. I did not realize what a vicious cycle I was in. Here was my thinking: I need to exercise. I don't feel good. If I exercise I will feel better. It will help me be stronger and stay healthier- BUT if I push myself too hard I will have a relapse. I don’t want to get sick again. Every time I get in a routine, m

So, I keep reading all these blogs by friends and decided to make my own...for what it's worth, this is an account of my journey back to abundant life. I've just turned 37 and for the first time in my life, this birthday has really bothered me. I've always said that age is a state of mind, never understood people who have dreaded birthdays. Though I haven't dreaded turning 37, it seems to have greatly affected me. I spent the day of my birthday at a Fitness Ranch down by San Antonio, Texas. I have laughingly called it "fat camp". I guess what I have realized recently is that at 34 I wasn't sure I would make it to 37. I never voiced this but it was in my mind and it created a huge road block complete with flashing lights and sirens. I have spent the last 3 years consumed with illness, pain killers and depression. I was diagnosed at the age of 31 with Ulcerative Colitis ( UC ). A lovely bowel disease that attacks the colon and intestines with ulcers. It