for what it's worth

Life is too short sometimes. An old friend of mine lost his wife in tragic car accident yesterday morning. She leaves behind two small children and a family that will miss her terribly. I never met her, only heard wonderful things about her over the years. I know this family will feel her loss for a long time. My heart and prayers go out to them. Why do we wait until tragedy hits to take stock in what is important to us? I don't want to do this anymore. I want to live everyday being thankful and appreciative of who is in my life. We are not promised tomorrow after all.

This week I was going to get back into my workout routine, the one I had before my port surgery. It's Thursday evening and I have yet to even put on work out clothes. Tomorrow I have a full day and I, being a realist, know a workout won't happen then either... Not good. Summer is fast approaching and pool weather will be here before we know it. Considering the fact that the pool is in my backyard allows a bit of grace however, I'd hate to send all the neighborhood kids running home because a lumpy ghost showed up. Let me explain that--I am fair skinned and by fair, I mean, I am so pale that if I were any paler I would be see through. I have red head skin with out the red hair. I make Nicole Kidman look like a Mexican Senorita! So, to top off the white pasty skin; I have cellulite. Not proud, just honest. People are always saying: "Tan fat is better than white fat!" Well, I could do the Lindsey Lohan thing and have orange fat... Nope, can't do the streaky, oran...

I've come to realize that blogging fulfills a great desire within me. I have always kept a journal and recorded in it feelings, musings, dreams, and even disappointments and failures. I love to look back and remember these times, learn from them. It's no wonder that blogging has been so easy for me to pick up. I have to be honest, the thought of other people reading these entries does feel strange. My journals have always been a private affair. Blogging allows me to "say" thoughts and opinions with others in a way that is very natural for me. I can't seem to think with out a pen in my hand. Weird, I know. Maybe pen and paper or even a computer has become my security blanket? My confidence in writing is much higher than in my oral capabilities. There is something very freeing when taking thoughts and etching them into paper, printing each letter and forming words. It can be very powerful to see the desires of your heart take on visual form. This must be why God wro...

We lost an amazing woman in our family. Shannon's grandmother, Mayme Hunter, passed away at the age of 97. She was incredibly healthy physically even though she suffered from some dementia in her last few years. We all thought she might out live us by several generations. She didn't suffer with sickness, thankfully, she just went peacefully after a long life. She was such a sweet soul and her life will be remembered with great fondness. We also said goodbye to an immediate member of our family. Fat Cat Jill was 12 years old and passed away from kidney failure this past Friday night. She was a constant fixture on whoever 's lap was available. She let her presence be known by hollering loudly through out the house no matter the time. I will especially miss her. She used to follow me around, yelling at me to sit down when I was having a bad day. She would then crawl into my lap to make sure I stayed put and proceed to knead my colon area. Strange how she knew that's where...

Years ago I had a dream; a dream like nothing I've ever had before or even since. I still find myself thinking about it and wondering what meaning it might hold. I am a believer that God speaks to us in our dreams and maybe this is such a case. Over the years, I've guessed at it's meaning and tried to interpret it but I am still perplexed by this dream. I've shared it with a few people and heard their opinions on it, all differing greatly and leaving me with out any revelation on the matter. I think it's been close to 10 years now since I had the dream however, I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I'm going to blog about it now because I had a flashback to the dream today. I was thinking about a project that I might like to pursue when I experienced--literally--flash like scenes from the dream.  Well, of course, this has peaked my curiosity and now I want to graph this thing out to see if there is any correlation between the two.  So the dream begins ...

In an effort to clean up my mouth I am trying to find words that are as satisfying as those graphic, 4 letter, taboo ones. (Side note-why are they mostly all 4 letters?) This is not an easy task. Lately, my language has gone to hell in a hand basket. Pardon the phrase, it seems to be the one that fits. My mouth has taken on a mind of it's own. I sound like a one of the kids from Stand By Me.  (LOVE that movie, by the way.)  I feel like a bit of a hypocrite telling my kids that such language is inappropriate and then using it myself. I've tried to relay to them that what comes out of a person's mouth is a sign of what resides inside their heart...yeah, what's that say about their own mother?? I've also told them that it makes a person look very foolish and unattractive. Again, I'm feeling very convicted here... I grew up around people who curse. I knew better as a kid. My parents taught me that it was unacceptable in most situations even though I heard plen...

I have always been a much better writer than speaker. For what ever reason, I get stage fright and choke up if I have to talk in front of a group. When my husband and I were first married, I would write him notes like a jr high girl if we were fighting. It was the only way I seemed to be able to "say" what I felt. I'm better now and can actually let it rip with him if need be. (which is very, very rare.) Now, I'm more comfortable in front of my friends but if the group gets too big, let alone, has people I don't know very well...not happening.  I don't quite understand it really. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. Those of you who know me are probably rolling your eyes at me as I write this. You've heard some of the things that come out of my mouth and may think I'm making this up. Yes, I tend to say what I think and if it has shock value--even better. What you don't know is that it took me a long time to feel comfortable doing ...

I was finally able to receive my Remicade (IV infusion for UC) today using my brand new "toy" (as a friend put it) the port. It was still swollen with an ugly, gluey, crusty scab and yucky bruising but Carla, my nurse, hooked right into and off we went! I am so happy to be on this side of it!  Since this is a 2+ hour process, I have lots of time to read and think. It's so nice. Many people dread these types of long appointments but I actually look forward to them. I don't have to feel guilty while sitting in a recliner, reading and pondering. Who has time for such luxuries?  Today's reading material is a book I picked up called Organize Now  by Jennifer Ford Berry. It's an organizing how-to for dummies. It takes you week-by-week thru various steps to help you de-clutter your home and your life. I've read weeks 1 & 2 and am very motivated to get started. This is huge as I am a major procrastinator!  Funny how a book like this has brought me to my kne...

Thomas had texted me around lunch time that the jr high was locked down because things were "crazy." He said some kid was stabbed during lunch. I, being the realist that I am, thought it was a only rumor but decided to check it out anyway since he needed to go to the dentist. Sure enough, when I arrived at the school approx 20 min after texting with him, I find police cars and news stations. My stomach did a flip and I picked up my pace and headed to the office. The school seemed quiet and calm like any other day except for 2 uniformed officers and several CISD guidance counselors along with the principals of the jr high talking quietly to each other. The lock down was over and classes were resuming as normal but you could feel the buzz in the air. I proceeded to check Thomas out and casually asked what was going on. I was handed an "official statement" typed and printed on white paper. It said something about an incident involving two students and as a result the s...

These are my two constant companions, Jill the fat cat and Bubba the dirty white dog. They weigh about the same and are close in size. Bubba is just a bit taller but Jill definately has the bigger ego. Here are some things I've observed in these two animals: Jill takes naps wherever and whenever possible. Bubba is always happy. He wears his smile on his tail for all to see. Jill likes to lay in the sun and relax. Bubba never misses an opportunity to have fun. Jill doesn't care what others think.  Bubba doesn't worry about his white coat getting dirty. Both Jill and Bubba love affection, attention and company. Now, I'm thinking, I should incorporate a little of each one of these traits in to my own life. Maybe I won't nap quite like Jill but a cat nap here or there is good for the mind, body and soul.  I should smile more. I don't want to know if what my mom said was true about my face freezing in an ugly glare, so no more taking chances.  I'm g...

What a difference a day makes. I am surprised at this! After yesterday, I thought my road was long and full of pot holes. Today, there are orange cones guiding me around the pot holes. I'm certain that tomorrow, the road pavers will begin fixing those holes. I didn't make it to Thomas' early game this morning and I probably won't make the noon game either, but I am planning on the last game this afternoon. This makes me happy. I don't know how many of you have ever struggled or do struggle with depression but I do. The first thing I want to say about depression is that you don't realize you're depressed until you manage to come out on the other side. Just like the tornadoes that sweep across the panhandle, depression can hit when you least expect it. It can be devastating. I have taken meds for depression for over 15 years now. My depression is considered a clinical type. In other words, my brain does not produce enough serotonin to keep healthy levels o...

It's Friday and I really thought I'd be back on my feet by now. Not so. Made it to Birthday Club lunch today but didn't last long. I was very disappointed. Tomorrow, I am supposed to sit through 3 basketball games. I'm thinking that's a little ambitious. I feel like such a wimp! I am going to try to focus on the positive now. The port is going to be really nice for the Remicade infusions. The nurses won't turn and run now when I come in. At least I hope not... I'm having such a hard time staying positive. Not sure why because of all the things I've been through medically, this is not a big deal. Or it shouldn't be anyway. I think I realized right before surgery, that this is my life. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining about my life over all. I am blessed beyond measure, I just realized that with out Remicade --I am a sick, sick person. When I was unable to receive my last treatment, all these fears came crashing in on me. What if I have a ...

WOW!!! I was not prepared for the grotesque look of the incision for my port! For a fairly simple surgery it is by far the worst looking one I've had out of 7 surgeries. This morning started off very early, 5:15 am. UHG. We had to be at the hospital at 6 am in order to sit and wait until 7:30 am for the nurses to call me back. After getting "comfortable" in my holding room, I signed a few forms, listened to the nurse explain the procedure and the changed into my very expensive hospital gown, booties and hair net. I have never felt more attractive. After climbing into the 2x6 hard bed the nurse asked me if I was comfortable and ready to get the IV started. I skipped answering the comfortable part and just said Let's get this party started." Miracle, it was nothing short of that when the nurse got the IV going on the 1st try! I was prepared for several big sticks. Thank you Jesus! Even the nurse gave a shout out to God as she was well aware of my history with IV ne...

I am back from San Diego and ready to resume life again. It was a much needed trip, I didn't even realize how needed! I completely put aside tomorrow's port procedure and totally lost myself in the sand, surf and serenity of Southern California. In fact, I was so lost in it I never felt the 7.something earthquake we had! I am so disappointed too! My first earth quake and I missed it! My cousin-Lisha-and I spent the weekend just hanging out. She travels for work so a weekend home for her is a real treat. We got coffees and breakfast burritos and went to the beach and watched people and dogs. We strolled the beach letting the cold tide wash over our feet. We ate the best fish tacos in the world. I thought I would never eat again because I had stuffed myself silly! We went out dancing with a couple of her friends and acted like we were kids again. We spent Easter Sunday on the beach in Oceanside. There was an awesome service at sunrise that we attended. We listened to some amazi...

It's been a long day. I had an appointment after lunch with the surgeon who will do the port catheter. Dr. James Hayhurst. Super nice guy--didn't get the whole "I am God" vibe from him, unlike some other surgeons I've encountered. So that's good. He also knew of Shannon because of tennis. No surprise there. Anyway, he agreed to do my port and set up a surgery date of April 7 at 8am. So then I was sent to BSA (hospital) to pre admit. GOOD GOLLY! It took almost 3 hours! Seriously, in this day and age it should not take this long to do this. I had quite the work up too, blood draw, EKG, and a chest xray. Now that I think about it, I was lucky with the 3 hrs...I could've been there till 3pm next Thursday! I am tired of looking like a domestic abuse victim when I leave the Remicade appointment. Bruises all over my arms start forming from blown veins and sticks that didn't work. It will be so nice to to have 1 stick! Praise God for ports! I am completely wi...