for what it's worth

This month has been filled with lots not so OK days. I've struggled with chronic pain, achy joints, abdominal cramping, nausea and extreme fatigue. Here's an example of my not so OK day today: Struggled with insomnia last night so I got about 5 hours of sleep total but not all at once. Tummy cramps and nausea awoke me this morning. I lay in bed for about 30 minutes willing myself to get up but afraid the nausea might win. Took the handful of prescribed meds, vitamins and minerals needed to make my body function. Also added anti-cramping and nausea meds to the cocktail (not pictured). Ate a small gut friendly breakfast (not because I'm hungry--trust me, I'm not--but because the meds need it) and my 1 cup of coffee (more than 1 cup = more cramping + nausea). Sat in my comfy chair and caught up on social media and reviewed today's TO DO list to figure out what MUST be done today and what can be postponed. This may seem a bit lazy to most however, it is ...

Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be bold, but don't bully. Be humble, but not shy. Be confident, but not arrogant. I don't know who came up with the above quote but I'm pretty sure they were on to something. I often cross these lines. Sometimes on a daily basis, if I'm honest. That's not an easy thing to admit either. We will call that pride... I try to live my life by the golden rule-- you know, the one found in Luke 6. I often fail miserably at that too. I find that I don't really want to put myself out there in the world in any capacity where things I say or do might come back to bite me. Because believe me, I  WILL  do or say something stupid that I will have to own up to. It's just a matter of time. I was thinking about this today when I went for a run. Running can either be my friend or foe mentally. It gives me time to process and do some introspection. Often times it brings crap to the surface that I...

It's July 2nd?! Already?! This summer is flying by! I'm not sure how this happened, June seems to have disappeared completely. I have a few memories but seriously, how do 30 days slip past that fast?  We spent about 10 days of June in Seattle, Alaska and Victoria, British Colombia vacationing in celebration of the oldest spawn's release from high school. The days leading up to this event are a mass blur of getting things in order and lots of yelling at teenage boys to do chores. Maybe, this is why June seemed so short--I've blocked those days... I have come to the conclusion that in order to create fond family memories on such a trip, I must make the days leading up to it complete hell for all. This requires a lot of work on my part as well as a certain amount of yelling, hair pulling and slamming of doors. It's only after all of this mayhem that we are able to truly appreciate being on vacation and relaxing completely. I do hope that one day the children...

This is how I feel about turning 40! It's my last day of being 39. I have never looked forward to a birthday so much. Well, except maybe the monumental one of my youth, but I have to tell ya, 40 looks pretty darn good to me. For the first time in probably 10-12 years I feel healthy. Even before the Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis in 2004, my health was a constant roller coaster. I've seen more doctors and specialist than the average person under the age of 40.  Turning 40 is a major mile marker for anyone. It signifies the beginning of midlife. Adulthood is in full swing and there is no denying it at 40.  I don't plan on having the traditional midlife crisis now but, I do intend to live everyday abundantly. Life is short. I've come to realize this not just by my own close call with death, but by experiencing the loss of many special friends and family who died way too young. As far as I can tell, the years keep getting better and I plan to enjoy each new day in ...

Good Morning. I am sitting here drinking my coffee and gazing out the window at a snow covered world. A light dusting was predicted but it's more like a cake frosting out there with an occasional drift or two. It's beautiful. Cold but beautiful. We just got our Internet up and running after 3 weeks of being "unplugged" and it's nice to be back online again. You have no idea how attached to the Internet you are until it is unavailable! When we first moved in we were using a satellite provider--BIG mistake. It was like going back in time to dial up, most miserable, but we are back on fiber optic cable so all is well. We moved my Grammy into an assisted living joint this past weekend. It was full of emotion, both happy and sad. She is 94 and had been living in her own home by herself up until the big move. We are so fortunate that she is so healthy for a woman of her age. She uses a walker but that's about the extent of it. She is still very sharp and has a m...

There is nothing like the New Year to make a person reflect on the past and look to the future with hope and excitement. I am no different. Say what you will, I know it's cliche, but I really do enjoy this process. I like thinking of how I can be better in the coming year and what goals I would like to set. I find I put more stock in my priorities this time of year and remember why I do so. I think it's healthy mentally to do some sort of check list each year. I tend to be a little skeptical of mass postings on Facebook, never knowing if there is any truth to them or if it is truly the words of the named author. I ran across these two posts and though I can't verify their authenticity, I find them well written and very profound. I believe there is truth in each of the articles and can relate to much of them. The first is a posting by a columnist, Regina Brett, who wrote for a Cleveland, Ohio paper. A quick Google search confirmed that both  The Plain Dealer Newspaper a...

All of my life I've tended to be a procrastinator. I have this weird lazy-perfectionist syndrome that has often kept me from moving forward out of fear of failure. When I was diagnosed in 2004 with Ulcerative Colitis, I was forced to change that part of me. I no longer had the energy to put things off until the last minute. I found it actually takes more out of you to procrastinate, so I began to do things differently. First and foremost, I chose what was most important and stopped over committing myself and my time. The hubs kept telling me I needed to protect myself and I finally understood what he meant by that. I needed to prioritize what I spent my energy on because it was very, very limited. Secondly, I began to look for ways to accomplish these priorities efficiently. I fell in love with my crock pot allowing for healthy homemade dinners on nights I was too tired to stand in the kitchen cooking (did I mention I hate cooking?). I budgeted better in order to have my housek...

I have been too busy during the day to blog and too tired when I finally sit down in the evening. I woke up at 5:30 today feeling well rested so, after throwing some chicken in the crock pot and having my (much loved) first cup of coffee I thought I'd type a little. I really miss blogging on the days that are too crazy to whip out a few sentences. It helps keep me grounded and my mind moving forward. I have stacks of diaries and journals dating back to 1981 when I was given my first diary by my grandmother. I miss her. She was a remarkable woman and very beautiful both inside and out. She passed away, not long ago, after suffering from several years of Alzheimer's. I HATE this disease. It has wound it's way through this side of my family for many generations, probably more than we even know. Her mother suffered from it as well as each of her siblings. It is so very hard to watch this ugly disease take someone you love dearly and turn them into a complete stranger. That...