for what it's worth

When I started researching the ileostomy surgery I found all sorts of info that was very clinical . I was able to understand exactly what the surgeon would do to my body and why. When I met with the ostomy care nurse at the hospital, she was very helpful and knowledgeable also. What I wasn't prepared for were the feelings I would experience when this procedure was done on me. Emotionally as well as physically.  This is why I have made it a priority to be very open and honest about all that I've gone through. I am willing to talk openly about everything relating to having an ileostomy. In fact, I'll even show it to you if you ask! I've found this topic makes people very uncomfortable. I also get a lot of "pity" looks. I understand this, I really do, but this procedure has given me my life back. I am healthier now than I have been in 10 years! There is no reason to feel sorry for me because I have an ileostomy. (I'm not!) Which is all the more reason for m...

Heard of buyer's remorse? Well, I have "talker's remorse".  When will I learn to control this appliance on my face and the crap that comes out of it?? I think I need a mouth-ectomy. I don't know why my language turns to the dark side so easily. Well, truthfully, I guess I do--I make a choice. That's what it boils down to basically. I choose to use vial language because it gets a laugh and it's shocking. I'm embarrassed by this side of me that I can't seem to outgrow... Yes, I am a shock appeal junkie. I love to watch people react to things and if I can get a laugh, even better. But really, must I use the foulest language to do so? It's like I revert back to the 14 year old me who wanted to rebel. Now I just look ridiculous! So, with the same mouth that I praise God with I can also let loose a string of obscenities that would make a sailor blush. Shame on me! This is just one of the many areas I want to improve on. Now that I am UC free...

Since having my ileostomy surgery and then 3 months later having my rectum removed, I've become even worse about putting things off. Part of that is my lack of energy and stamina but the biggest part is that I want to go and play now that I feel so much better! I do not want to do the everyday chores and errands like I should.   Saturday night we went to poker party at some friends' house. I found myself very anxious all day. This was our first real "night out" in 6 months. Where this feeling came from, I'm unsure of because these are people we know well. It finally dawned on me that I was worried about having a bagcident . This is my term for having an ostomy bag accident, bag + accident = bagcident. I should be fairly comfortable with my ostomy bag by now, or so I thought anyway, so this took me by surprise. I was struggling with this irrational fear of having a bagcident while at the party. I imagined sitting at the table, it's my turn and everyone...