for what it's worth

I'm still mad. Crohn's still sucks. I'm still in pain. My attitude rivals that of a newly awakened hibernating bear. All teeth and claws. Is it bad that all I want to do is curl up with my Bubba dog and pretend the world doesn't exist? That's where I'm at right now. The stupid weather can't make up it's mind. One day it's a gorgeous 73 degrees and the next it's arctic living at it's worst. I wore flip flops yesterday and today, Uggs because there is snow blowing sideways. I've stopped watching the weather because it does nothing but piss me off. If I follow the forecasts then I start to anticipate the pain I will be in which makes me feel like a total hypochondriac. My body is enough of a radar on it's own. I can feel a change coming as early as 2 days before it arrives. Every joint in me is screaming, "MOVE TO A TROPICAL CLIMATE!" I was telling some friends yesterday just how badly my attitude stinks. I want t...

With autoimmune diseases the immune system is crap. Crohn's is an autoimmune disease therefore my immune system is worthless. I try to take every precaution possible to keep from getting sick. I'm the girl wearing the mask in the doctor's office, not because I'm coughing or sick but because everyone else is! My body does not fight off yucky germs very well. It fights it's self like a pro but bad germs are welcomed with open arms. The day before my big Humira starter dose, my son came home from school with a nasty throat and ear infection. Being a mother, I couldn't keep from feeling his forehead, touching dishes that he used and just being around him. He was coughing and sneezing and I could see all those little infection cooties floating through the air and then charging me when I came into their view. Sure enough, by the end of the day my throat was scratchy and I was coughing and sneezing. My eyes were itchy and I could feel the snot accumulating. I was o...

I came across this profound quote today as I was mindlessly skimming  Pinterest  and it took my breath away. That's me! I actually said this out loud to the dogs curled peacefully at my feet. Yesterday was Humira Starter Dose Day. I administered 4 shots via a push button pen into the fleshy part of my legs. The starter dose is 4 injections which burned like mad. The process was as simple as promised but the burning sensation of the medicine was a bit surprising. I had heard it burns a little but dang, after 4 shots that "little" burn was quite big. Once I get past the series of 2 shots I will go to 1 every 2 weeks. I can handle the burn of 1 injection every 2 weeks if it's working! I'm hoping and praying this is a miracle worker for me. I'm ready to feel good again. This week marks 6 weeks from my surgery. My new stoma (Lilly II) is doing her job very well. She is actually prettier than her predecessor, sorry Lilly I. Lilly stands for lil' illy or li...

I'm not having a very good day. Despite sleeping well I woke up tired. Damn autoimmune crap. ---See that's not a good sign, cuss words before 10am... Well, I better get my act together because I'm hosting Bible study in less than 2 hours. Addiction paraphernalia: Bday gift from Thomas, a chalkboard mug :) Today's plan: wait around house for starter dose of Humira to be delivered. I'm feeling very anxious about this new medicine, of course it could be the cup(s) of coffee I am consuming. Some people turn to alcohol, I turn to coffee. I'm nervous that Humira won't work. I'm hoping and praying like mad that it's the miracle drug my doc say it is. I'm scared of never getting out of this flare. I haven't flared in over 3 years now and I forgot how awful it is. How it affects the entire body. This morning I ran my hand through my hair when I got up and ended up with a handful of loose hair. Great, that's just wonderful. I'm going...

I'm tired of pain pills. I want to wake up and not feel my guts. I'd like to stand up from a chair and not double back over because my innards hurt. Yesterday I thought I made some headway in this area. I only took 1 hydrocodone all day! This morning, different story. I just popped one with my coffee and (no judging) 2 homemade chocolate chip cookies a friend brought. Yes, I know cookies are not a suitable breakfast but back off, my birthday is tomorrow and I will eat what I want. Birthdays. I will be 42 tomorrow and once upon a time that seemed ancient, not so much now. It was questionable if I would even turn 42 after the last few months of critical illness. This is the 3rd birthday that I wasn't sure I'd make in my career of chronic illness. Birthday 34 came after a 17 day visit to Scott and White for internal bleeding due to Ulcerative Colitis. The UC flared so bad that my intestines were extremely swollen with bleeding ulcers and shut down. I was just days away...

I do this. I think I should win one of those statue thingies all the actors are striving for. In fact, I know a whole heck of a lot of people dealing with invisible illness daily who deserve a statue thingy. We will call it The Invisible Emmy.  Yes? What is an invisible illness? Invisible illness is a disease that can be debilitating to a person inside their body but not manifested on the outside. Or at least, not be recognizable to most people as symptoms of illness. These diseases are sometimes hard to diagnose too. It took a year for me to be diagnosed with UC. My early symptoms were often treated as viruses because of flu like symptoms and severe diarrhea. It wasn't until I was bleeding profusely that I was finally taken seriously and sent to a specialist. I'm not knocking the docs I saw, I'm just pointing out the fact that diseases can often masquerade as something else in the beginning. It's unfortunate.  IBDs (Inflammatory Bowel Diseases...

I just returned home from yet another hospital stay. This time I chose Scott & White Hospital in Temple, Texas to check out their ER and all their available testing equipment. I figure I've already met my insurance deductible this year, might as well have some fun. On January 22nd I checked in with all the usual symptoms of dehydration, vomiting and diarrhea. My in-laws are very active with S&W through their board and various charitable organizations and were instrumental in helping us get the best care possible there. I will forever be grateful for their help. S&W hooked me up with a team of no less than 5 GI's and consults from the head of the GI department. All were wonderful guys with great bedside manners and a thirst to find what was slowly trying to kill me. I do have to say this though--several looked to be about the same age as my kids... I'm not sure one could even really shave yet. Is this because I am staring 42 in the face? Will I be that "...