for what it's worth

I came across this profound quote today as I was mindlessly skimming  Pinterest  and it took my breath away. That's me! I actually said this out loud to the dogs curled peacefully at my feet. Yesterday was Humira Starter Dose Day. I administered 4 shots via a push button pen into the fleshy part of my legs. The starter dose is 4 injections which burned like mad. The process was as simple as promised but the burning sensation of the medicine was a bit surprising. I had heard it burns a little but dang, after 4 shots that "little" burn was quite big. Once I get past the series of 2 shots I will go to 1 every 2 weeks. I can handle the burn of 1 injection every 2 weeks if it's working! I'm hoping and praying this is a miracle worker for me. I'm ready to feel good again. This week marks 6 weeks from my surgery. My new stoma (Lilly II) is doing her job very well. She is actually prettier than her predecessor, sorry Lilly I. Lilly stands for lil' illy or li...

I'm not having a very good day. Despite sleeping well I woke up tired. Damn autoimmune crap. ---See that's not a good sign, cuss words before 10am... Well, I better get my act together because I'm hosting Bible study in less than 2 hours. Addiction paraphernalia: Bday gift from Thomas, a chalkboard mug :) Today's plan: wait around house for starter dose of Humira to be delivered. I'm feeling very anxious about this new medicine, of course it could be the cup(s) of coffee I am consuming. Some people turn to alcohol, I turn to coffee. I'm nervous that Humira won't work. I'm hoping and praying like mad that it's the miracle drug my doc say it is. I'm scared of never getting out of this flare. I haven't flared in over 3 years now and I forgot how awful it is. How it affects the entire body. This morning I ran my hand through my hair when I got up and ended up with a handful of loose hair. Great, that's just wonderful. I'm going...

I'm tired of pain pills. I want to wake up and not feel my guts. I'd like to stand up from a chair and not double back over because my innards hurt. Yesterday I thought I made some headway in this area. I only took 1 hydrocodone all day! This morning, different story. I just popped one with my coffee and (no judging) 2 homemade chocolate chip cookies a friend brought. Yes, I know cookies are not a suitable breakfast but back off, my birthday is tomorrow and I will eat what I want. Birthdays. I will be 42 tomorrow and once upon a time that seemed ancient, not so much now. It was questionable if I would even turn 42 after the last few months of critical illness. This is the 3rd birthday that I wasn't sure I'd make in my career of chronic illness. Birthday 34 came after a 17 day visit to Scott and White for internal bleeding due to Ulcerative Colitis. The UC flared so bad that my intestines were extremely swollen with bleeding ulcers and shut down. I was just days away...

I do this. I think I should win one of those statue thingies all the actors are striving for. In fact, I know a whole heck of a lot of people dealing with invisible illness daily who deserve a statue thingy. We will call it The Invisible Emmy.  Yes? What is an invisible illness? Invisible illness is a disease that can be debilitating to a person inside their body but not manifested on the outside. Or at least, not be recognizable to most people as symptoms of illness. These diseases are sometimes hard to diagnose too. It took a year for me to be diagnosed with UC. My early symptoms were often treated as viruses because of flu like symptoms and severe diarrhea. It wasn't until I was bleeding profusely that I was finally taken seriously and sent to a specialist. I'm not knocking the docs I saw, I'm just pointing out the fact that diseases can often masquerade as something else in the beginning. It's unfortunate.  IBDs (Inflammatory Bowel Diseases...

I just returned home from yet another hospital stay. This time I chose Scott & White Hospital in Temple, Texas to check out their ER and all their available testing equipment. I figure I've already met my insurance deductible this year, might as well have some fun. On January 22nd I checked in with all the usual symptoms of dehydration, vomiting and diarrhea. My in-laws are very active with S&W through their board and various charitable organizations and were instrumental in helping us get the best care possible there. I will forever be grateful for their help. S&W hooked me up with a team of no less than 5 GI's and consults from the head of the GI department. All were wonderful guys with great bedside manners and a thirst to find what was slowly trying to kill me. I do have to say this though--several looked to be about the same age as my kids... I'm not sure one could even really shave yet. Is this because I am staring 42 in the face? Will I be that "...

What happens when you loose the will to fight? I find myself in a very dark and foreign place. This constant battle of trying to be healthy is wearing me down. My spirit is crushed and my confidence is gone. Would it be so bad to give up and let illness take it's victory?  How much more can my family take? I see the strain on them, the chaos it causes. The disruption to our daily schedules. I hate it. What would happen if I didn't fight next time? If I bowed out gracefully and said I'm done? Would it make things better or worse? Surely, in the end, all would adjust and move forward... These are the questions running through my head. I'm being point blank honest here. I am tired. I am ready to be done with this invisible illness that wrecks havoc on our lives.  I don't know if I have the strength to go through all of this again. And there will be a next time. If anything is a sure bet, that is it- there will be a next time. What happened to th...

Hey! Guess what, this week (December 1-7) is all about IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) and since I kinda have some experience and knowledge in this area, I'm gonna tell ya all about it. :) IBD is very different from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). IBS is a very real condition and can be quite miserable itself. This is an excerpt from CCFA  (Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America) explaining the two and how they differ. Many people are confused about two distinct gastrointestinal disorders -- IBD and IBS. Different intestinal disorders can produce similar symptoms.  Irritable bowel syndrome  (IBS) is a condition that produces some symptoms similar to those of  inflammatory bowel disease  (IBD), but they are not the same condition, and they involve very different treatments. Therefore, getting an accurate diagnosis is essential to managing your condition properly. The following Q&A will give you an overview of IBS and how it differs from IBD....