for what it's worth

It's Tuesday evening and I have just finished eating dinner. I will not be eating dinner tomorrow, instead I will be chugging down Magnesium Citrate Oral Solution, effervescent saline laxative. Don't you wish you could trade places with me! Which means I will then spend countless hours in the bathroom "evacuating" all waste from my intestinal tract. Then the next morning--get ready-- I will become intimately acquainted with two, yes the #2, fleet enemas. Seriously, wanna trade places??  (I wish they made a puffy leather reclining toilet, maybe even with a massage thingy like the pedicure chairs...) All this so I can be sedated for 30 minutes while my doctor shoves a camera up my rump to take a "peak" at the colon. After this "peak," my insurance will be billed for umpteen thousand dollars and we will spend the next 6 months receiving bills from my doctor as our insurance s-l-o-w-l-y pays out. I am not looking forward to it to say the least. To ...

Starting out the week with a lovely migraine that threatens to take over. I have managed to ignore it all day but it's demand is growing by the hour. My doc suggested I drink tonic water for leg cramps, I wonder if I could add gin to it for headaches? I'm on the count down to my procedure on Thursday. Went by the pharmacy today and picked up the prep kit. I LOATHE this part. I have wonderful friends. They have kept me in their prayers and texted sweet words of encouragement during this low spot. I am forever grateful, not to mention very humbled by their outpouring. I'll be glad when these new meds kick in. I am ready to have full productive days again. I think I've worn a hole in my side of the bed from spending too much time in it... We are headed to the mountains of NM this weekend. I am so ready for the cool crisp air and fresh smell of pine and earth. We love to be up there this time of year.

Ok, so after church and a nap I've had an attitude adjustment. What I need to remember is that when I struggle with my health, my patience runs thin. This is not excuse, just a reminder to myself to keep things in perspective. I mean, really... We went to Hillside Christian that meets in Canyon today. It's so good. I love the Pastor there. He shared his testimony today and it made me realize what a whiney butt I've been the last few days. I mean, really, I am grateful for the lesson this morning and plan to start this week off with a different attitude. It may take a little bit for me to start feeling good again. I need to give the medicine adjustments time to work and my body to respond. I guess, I've gotten spoiled feeling so good that this minor set back kind of derailed me a bit. And not just physically either. My mind crashed and burned hard on this one. The fear of relapse swooped in and took over to the point that I was under water before I could take a breat...

Just a few observations: Is it necessary for people to assume they know you when they have never even met you face to face? And must they make judgements about you and announce them to the whole world? It's a god thing I have a sense of humor.  Just the other day, someone tells Shannon that his wife has been running around on him and then says, "But you know how it is, I heard your wife was cheating on you too." WOW! Of course this was news to both Shannon and me. If only I had the time and energy to even contemplate such an idea. I mean, really. Why do some parents insist on living their lives through their children? As if kids, especially teens, don't have enough outside pressure, must they deal with their parent(s) "wanna be young again" syndrome? I mean, really. Why can't people mean what they say and do what they promised? I have more respect for someone who tells me no than someone who says yes and then doesn't follow through. I'll adm...

Nope, that's not a spelling error. I am settling in with a glass of wine and venting by blogging. It's been a very long and disappointing week. This is why my standards are so low; I just have to live from day to day and relish the good ones. Spent 2 1/2 hours seeing my two main doctors today. While I have mostly good news, I am still frustrated because I'm not feeling up to par. I feel like this whole week should be a do over. Basically, we are tweaking almost all of my meds and then next Thursday- a colonoscopy. YUCK. My blood work is all like it should be. No inflammation markers to be seen which is absolutely huge. That means the UC is still under control and in remission. But hopefully, this will help me feel better quicker. We are changing my anti-depressant because the new one is supposed to help with the horrible body aches and nightly leg cramps. Also upping the arthritis med for the same purpose. Evidently, working out this often is actually causing me some mo...

It's Wednesday! This school year started off with a bang. Sunday night I hardly slept, not sure why. Then on Monday, a massive migraine set in and body aches that could reduce a grown man to tears accompanied the northern front that blew in with a vengeance. Tuesday was spent with a "migraine hang-over." I'm so glad it's Wednesday, not to mention that I woke up feeling pretty darn good. All my good intentions for starting off the first week of school with great strategy and "get 'er done-ness" flew out the window with that blasted north wind. After being forced to lower my standards, I am starting anew today. I actually got up when my alarm went off which is unheard of in this house.  So. I've had a couple of days to think about what it would be like to have a job. As much as I would like to do something part time, after Monday and Tuesday--I just don't know how I could be a reliable employee. This makes me sad. I hate the way sickness somet...

School starts tomorrow and I couldn't be happier! We are implementing the structured school regimen much to the kids dislike. Bedtimes and phone curfews commence tonight. I love this time of year for so many reasons, most of them are somewhat selfish I must confess. I crave the routine we are forced into this time of year. I love the kids going to bed at a decent hour leaving a couple of hours for Shannon and I to just relax together. I enjoy the early mornings (very hard for me) because I am so much more productive during the day.  The hint of fall in the air gets me excited for football games, concession stand nachos and breaking out the sweaters! I love the long sunny days of summer but am ready to welcome the early evenings of winter. The crisp smell of turning leaves makes me wanna snuggle up with blankets and start a fire. One of my favorite things about the school year is the amount of time I have during the day to pursue my interests outside of chores and kids. After the ...

You know what's weird? The closer I get to my next infusion, the stronger my sweet tooth gets. Normally, my sweet tooth is non-existent but for what ever reason, this Remicade brings it out. I'm not so sure I like this part of it. Trying to eat healthy and lose weight becomes extremely hard for about 10 days prior to my treatments! Oh well, it beats being sick any day! So, I've been thinking (which always gets me in trouble). I do this every year about this time. I start wanting a job. Just a part-time something that would be fun and easy. Oh, and very flexible. And it can't involve cleaning toilets and must have great perks. Unrealistic you say? Yeah, I think so too, so I'll just keep playing house. I'm usually in a Bible study in the fall so that will help keep me busy. I look forward to this so much. I really miss it during the summer. The Beth Moore studies are great because they really make me buckle down and study. This helps me keep it a priority. Thi...

Well, I'm still a work in progress. Started with a trainer down here in Canyon at Anytime Fitness. He's a young son of a gun named Kurt. He's really making me work hard and I am definitely getting my money's worth. I can barely speak when we are done and I'm drenched with sweat from head to toe. I can barely stand myself when I get in the car cuz I stink so bad. I go home and literally have to sit for at least an hour while I drink my recovery drink. (and no, it is not an adult bev...) But it's paying off- Shannon says he can tell some of my wobbly bits are not so wobbly anymore. Music to my ears. I'm finally getting caught up on all my chores and have finally made a dent in the laundry. Feeling less overwhelmed and am able to look beyond the to do list. Of course, hosting a bridal shower for a dear friend this weekend has helped put me in overdrive and I feel soooo accomplished. If it weren't for that I may never have gotten started on all the crap ...

I love summer because we just let routine fly out the window. Structure is not my forte but I do miss it after a while. I am a party waiting to happen and love to go where ever the wind blows when school is out. This worries me as I wonder what will become of me when the boys leave home. I may become completely useless... But now summer is coming to an end and with it I need to say farewell to the bad habits I've picked up. the last 3 months. This week will start the First Of The Lasts. I believe it will take every day of the next seven days and every hour of the 24 in a day to reprogram myself... My house looks like a tornado hit it. The pantry and fridge are full of  stale potato chips, half empty cereal boxes and old take out containers. I can barely step into my closet and I have a suitcase still full of dirty clothes from a road trip over a week ago sitting on the bedroom floor.  I'm tired of making excuses for my laziness. I'm quite embarrassed by my lack of mot...