for what it's worth

(left) my running partner Stacy (top right) good friends with a cause (bottom right) my ostomy bag for race day: A strong person is not the one who doesn't cry. A strong person is the one who cries & sheds tears then gets up and fights again. 38 minutes is what it took for me to run my first ever 5K.  *sigh*   I did it! I RAN IT! The whole way! The first 10 minutes were the hardest. My legs were screaming and whining, throwing a full on tantrum trying to get me to quit but I didn't. I just kept going and soon they got with the program and pushed through right to the end. The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure holds this personal victory for me. Breast Cancer is a cause close to my heart. Between my own family and several of my friends, I could have filled up several "Running For" bibs with their names. I would've run out of body to pin the bibs to so I chose not to wear one. However, the one person who always comes to mind when breast cancer is the topic i...

YAY!!! That's right, I'm celebrating because it's Thursday evening and that means I am one day closer to the finish line of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K on Saturday morning. Which really means--I can have my usual weekend wine treat again! I've been "training" for this little 3 mile jaunt like it's a freaking Ironman. It's the only way that I could wrap my mind around it. I have to be serious about the training or I'll not be happy with myself come race day when I'm dragging along the curb and shooing the paramedics away. Plus, I really, really want to be in shape. In this day of instant gratification, it's easy to forget that it takes time to meet goals. And in order to keep the goal in sight, dedication through thick and thin is a must. When I was finally released from "taking it easy" in March from my December surgery, I made a goal to be the healthiest I could be by the time I turned 40. Well, 40 is right arou...

I feel totally vindicated now. :) This morning's run was hard. 3 miles, outside, in the wind, with hills! BUT--I did it!! * happy dance*  I ran the whole time with exception of 2 minutes where I walked up the steepest of the hills on the route. I was about to give up and walk the last 2 minutes of the workout as I had turned into the wind and was going up a slight incline when a new song on my playlist started. Chasing The Sun  by The Wanted blared into my ears and gave me the push I needed to keep going. I stayed the course and finished my run huffing and puffing and throwing a few choice words at the dang wind and hills for screwing with my head. I did it.  My running partner is always so encouraging. I love her like a sister and might not have stayed this committed if we weren't scheduled to run together twice a week. A shared goal has kept us both accountable and motivated. This has been a huge blessing for me. Someone to keep pushing me when I want to quit an...

Nicki Minaj isn't the only one with alarm issues. I wanted to set fire to that dang alarm clock this morning but parental duties call. So, I'm up and drinking my cup of joe. Kids are off to school and the laundry and other chores are staring at me with judgement as I flip through the photos from last night's Emmy's on People.com. I like to think I could pull off a few of those dresses but honestly, if I could--where would I wear it to? Friday night's Homecoming game? Wouldn't I look great sitting in the bleachers with 14 billion dollars of jewelry on... Never mind the fact that I would need to run from here to sunny Cali in order to fit in one, maybe... These people can't weigh more than a handful of grapes put together! Day dreaming is over. Let Monday commence. I'm running today with my friend who talked me into a half marathon in December. I say "talked" but truthfully, she asked if I'd be interested in running it with her and I jumpe...

All of my life I've tended to be a procrastinator. I have this weird lazy-perfectionist syndrome that has often kept me from moving forward out of fear of failure. When I was diagnosed in 2004 with Ulcerative Colitis, I was forced to change that part of me. I no longer had the energy to put things off until the last minute. I found it actually takes more out of you to procrastinate, so I began to do things differently. First and foremost, I chose what was most important and stopped over committing myself and my time. The hubs kept telling me I needed to protect myself and I finally understood what he meant by that. I needed to prioritize what I spent my energy on because it was very, very limited. Secondly, I began to look for ways to accomplish these priorities efficiently. I fell in love with my crock pot allowing for healthy homemade dinners on nights I was too tired to stand in the kitchen cooking (did I mention I hate cooking?). I budgeted better in order to have my housek...

I have been too busy during the day to blog and too tired when I finally sit down in the evening. I woke up at 5:30 today feeling well rested so, after throwing some chicken in the crock pot and having my (much loved) first cup of coffee I thought I'd type a little. I really miss blogging on the days that are too crazy to whip out a few sentences. It helps keep me grounded and my mind moving forward. I have stacks of diaries and journals dating back to 1981 when I was given my first diary by my grandmother. I miss her. She was a remarkable woman and very beautiful both inside and out. She passed away, not long ago, after suffering from several years of Alzheimer's. I HATE this disease. It has wound it's way through this side of my family for many generations, probably more than we even know. Her mother suffered from it as well as each of her siblings. It is so very hard to watch this ugly disease take someone you love dearly and turn them into a complete stranger. That...

Saw my GI doc on Thursday. Great visit. He got a kick out of the pouch I wore for him. This one is named "Superostomy!" He calmed many of my fears and answered lots of questions that had been rattling around in my head. He decided to take me off Cymbalta, the antidepressant I'd been on since before the ileostomy. I've been feeling mushy brained for several months and he believes Cymbalta is too strong now. This is a huge turn around, usually, we were upping the antidepressants because they weren't strong enough. So now, he has prescribed Gabapentin. It's supposed to help with nerve pain which I still struggle with. I think I have nerve damage fro the UC. Two days on it now and I am already thinking clearer and pain seems to be somewhat controllable too. The hubs says he notices a big difference already too. AND, I am sleeping through the night. I have not slept through the night since surgery; actually, long before that too. Before surgery, I was up a...

One more day, one more day, one more day... This is my chant as I attack today. This week has been very busy but good. Today holds several events that will make Friday a great day, a day to end this long week. Today is my first 20 minute nonstop run outside. That means jogging the whole 20 minutes. Yes, you probably do not need this explained; I, however, am still trying to psyche myself up for it. I know I could do it on the treadmill with no problem but, I really need to run it outside. I'm "in training" for some running events over the next few months. The first is a 5K, Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on September 29th. I want to run the whole thing...we shall see. Then, there is another 5K in November and finally, a 1/2 marathon in December. 13.1 miles on December 9th in Dallas. I'm scared and excited. I don't care about times, I just want to complete the runs. (Notice I said run and not race--more mental tricks to keep myself committed.) I just want t...

Elijah  (<--click here) This is a little boy with an ileostomy because of Ulcerative Colitis. He makes me feel so many, many different emotions. I cried watching this. I am not a crier. I am overcome at how "matter of fact" he is about his ostomy. I am mad at a disease for taking a part of his body from him. I am sad that Elijah's early years have been full of pain and disease. I am happy because he is obviously surrounded by people who love and support him. I am thankful for his mom who allowed him to do this. I am anxious about how other kids will treat him because of his ostomy. I am excited for him to live a healthy UC-free life. I am encouraged by his bravery. I am inspired by his openness. I am beyond any more words to describe how my heart feels about this 1 minute 50 second video.

This girl has a list a mile long of goals to accomplish. Some are silly, some are a little weird and a few are very lofty, but they are still list worthy. I haven't made a list of goals in a very long, long time. At least not seriously. Making a list seemed pointless and often ended in disappointment when I couldn't get out of bed for days on end. A list was like an anvil hanging over my head, waiting to catch me unaware. I have yet to put this lengthy list on paper. Seeing it only in my mind right now is enough. Somehow, having it written in black and white, tangible to others is a bit intimidating. For now, it is enough to tick through it in my mind's eye. I think I'm worried that I will jinx this new found disease-free life I am leading. It seems too good to be true. Too many years spent in agonizing pain has left it's mark on my psyche. I am constantly reminding myself that sore muscles from exercise is NOT the same as disease inflicted pain. Some days are...