for what it's worth

Monterey, CA 2012 Oh, how I love the ocean. It is my happy place. This is where I go in my head when times seem tough. I picture the vast expanse of water, I hear the rush of the waves and sway with the pull of the tide. I can smell the salty sea air, I feel the humidity on my skin and the breeze blowing through my hair. The ocean beckons me to live on it's shores and frolic in it's surf. I am more than willing to oblige. Cabo San Lucas, Mexico 2012 I am at peace here. I can hear the voice of God so clearly, no static. My soul comes alive and flourishes with newness. I am reminded of all that is precious and wonderful. I am grateful for life and experience.

The dictionary defines insecurity  as lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt, hesitancy, indecision and uncertainty. Yes, this describes how I feel right now. I HATE IT! I guess I'm still trying to figure out my new normal. I dealt with feeling sick for over 8 years and now that I'm 7 months post surgery; I can't seem to figure out what to do with myself. In the past, I did what I had to do to keep my head above water; just pressed through illness and fatigue. I've got to find some kind of routine again and get back to really enjoying life. We've been on various vacations through out the summer and it's been so lovely! A true escape from reality. However, vacation is over and it's time to get back to the nitty gritty. This is what is hanging over me. Finding the new routine. Routine is HARD for me as I am easily distracted and not very self-disciplined. I wish I could blame ADD or ADHD or some other string of letters but I can't. It all

We are leaving Seattle, WA as I type this and making our way down I-5 to Portland. More than ever I know I need to live on the west coast somewhere! My sister and her family are in Sacramento and if it were up to me I'd move right next door! Don't know if my bro-n-law could stand it though. I would settle for a block or so away. :) I just want to live where it's pretty and things grow. I also want to do more outside with out being blown to bits by the Texas wind or experiencing the extreme temp changes. I've almost got the hubs talked into it with the promise of finding hunting/ranch land where he can go play wilderness man. I'm a born and raised Texan as is the hubs so to leave the state sorta feels like we are traitors... "Texas Forever" runs deep. It would be so fun to have a new adventure! I mean, we could always go back...

I woke up at 5:44 this morning with my mind racing. I hate it when I do this. It makes me mad. I am NOT a morning person by any means, I'm more of a noon person. After tossing and turning for about 30 minutes, I decided to get up. The hubs was probably glad to see me go. Now, with coffee in hand, I have a little time to myself before the craziness of today begins. For some reason, I feel the weight of the world today. Maybe this is what woke me? Not sure why and I can't seem to pinpoint any specific reason for this heaviness, but I just feel bogged down. It's frustrating to me when this happens because I don't know how or what to pray for. I like words so when I can't find the right ones it's a bit exasperating. My gut seems to be in on this conspiracy too. My bag was so full of air you could have used it as a life raft. When this happens it actually hurts. It pulls at the skin attached to the wafer and also causes severe gas pains. Now it's all ru

Just really liked this and thought it worked with earlier posts.

Just arrived home from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico this week... wishing the sand pile in my suitcase could be a bit larger with an even larger body of water attached to it... This was my first time to rock the ostomy at the beach, in a swimsuit, in public! My worst fears came and went inexperienced. *HUGE sigh of relief*  (Did I say that right? Inexperienced? Or unexperienced? Hmmm, wonder what spell checker has to say... nothing. Well, you know what I mean.) We had a very relaxing and wonderful time in Mexico and I cannot wait to hit the beach again, and soon! I managed to read 6 books over the course of our trip. That's almost a book a day.  *sigh of ecstasy*  I could seriously get used to that kind of life. I can't express to you how nervous I was about being in a swimsuit, the ocean and a public pool at the beginning of this vacation. It is my very first beach and public pool experience with the whole ostomy bag contraption. I have donned a swimsuit and spent about 20-30 m