for what it's worth

This month has been filled with lots not so OK days. I've struggled with chronic pain, achy joints, abdominal cramping, nausea and extreme fatigue. Here's an example of my not so OK day today: Struggled with insomnia last night so I got about 5 hours of sleep total but not all at once. Tummy cramps and nausea awoke me this morning. I lay in bed for about 30 minutes willing myself to get up but afraid the nausea might win. Took the handful of prescribed meds, vitamins and minerals needed to make my body function. Also added anti-cramping and nausea meds to the cocktail (not pictured). Ate a small gut friendly breakfast (not because I'm hungry--trust me, I'm not--but because the meds need it) and my 1 cup of coffee (more than 1 cup = more cramping + nausea). Sat in my comfy chair and caught up on social media and reviewed today's TO DO list to figure out what MUST be done today and what can be postponed. This may seem a bit lazy to most however, it is ...

I'm back in my fighting stance! I think anyway... I'm learning how to stand on my own after 24 years of marriage. When a long term relationship ends it really messes with your head. You wonder: What's wrong with me?  Why is this happening?  What happened to happily ever after?  You feel: Brokenhearted Hopeless Confused Angry You want to: Crawl up in a ball under the covers in the safety of your bed. Lash out. Sit and watch mind numbing TV. But because you are an adult you have to function in the real world and find a new path. So here I am, adulting on my own. While married, my future seemed secure and mapped out. Finances, retirement, daily routine... As a single person, things are different. My divorce left me financially stable thankfully and this post is not bashing him in any way, I'm just trying to figure out what my new future will look like. I want to be able to add to my finances but with a chronic illness and it's unpredictabili...

D is for Determined Determined: Having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it; processing or displaying resolve. *Resolute * PURPOSEFUL * Purposive * Single-minded * Unswerving * Unwavering*  *Undaunted * Intent * Insistent * Steadfast * Staunch * Stalwart * PERSEVERING * Persistent* *Indefatigable * Tenacious * Strong-willed * UNSHAKABLE * Strong-minded * Steely* *Dedicated * Committed*  Determination is a quality I've had to develop over years of living with chronic illness. It's possibly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Well maybe it's in 2nd place to parenting... Determination doesn't come naturally to me. There have been so many days where giving up looked really good and so much easier. I mean REALLY good and SO MUCH easier. So good that I made an exit strategy on a particularly bad pain day. So easy that it's options are quite limitless. I wrote it down with great detail in my journal an...

With autoimmune diseases the immune system is crap. Crohn's is an autoimmune disease therefore my immune system is worthless. I try to take every precaution possible to keep from getting sick. I'm the girl wearing the mask in the doctor's office, not because I'm coughing or sick but because everyone else is! My body does not fight off yucky germs very well. It fights it's self like a pro but bad germs are welcomed with open arms. The day before my big Humira starter dose, my son came home from school with a nasty throat and ear infection. Being a mother, I couldn't keep from feeling his forehead, touching dishes that he used and just being around him. He was coughing and sneezing and I could see all those little infection cooties floating through the air and then charging me when I came into their view. Sure enough, by the end of the day my throat was scratchy and I was coughing and sneezing. My eyes were itchy and I could feel the snot accumulating. I was o...