for what it's worth

What happens when you loose the will to fight? I find myself in a very dark and foreign place. This constant battle of trying to be healthy is wearing me down. My spirit is crushed and my confidence is gone. Would it be so bad to give up and let illness take it's victory?  How much more can my family take? I see the strain on them, the chaos it causes. The disruption to our daily schedules. I hate it. What would happen if I didn't fight next time? If I bowed out gracefully and said I'm done? Would it make things better or worse? Surely, in the end, all would adjust and move forward... These are the questions running through my head. I'm being point blank honest here. I am tired. I am ready to be done with this invisible illness that wrecks havoc on our lives.  I don't know if I have the strength to go through all of this again. And there will be a next time. If anything is a sure bet, that is it- there will be a next time. What happened to th...

Hey! Guess what, this week (December 1-7) is all about IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) and since I kinda have some experience and knowledge in this area, I'm gonna tell ya all about it. :) IBD is very different from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). IBS is a very real condition and can be quite miserable itself. This is an excerpt from CCFA  (Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America) explaining the two and how they differ. Many people are confused about two distinct gastrointestinal disorders -- IBD and IBS. Different intestinal disorders can produce similar symptoms.  Irritable bowel syndrome  (IBS) is a condition that produces some symptoms similar to those of  inflammatory bowel disease  (IBD), but they are not the same condition, and they involve very different treatments. Therefore, getting an accurate diagnosis is essential to managing your condition properly. The following Q&A will give you an overview of IBS and how it differs from IBD....

You know in the Bible where it talks about anointing with oil for healing of physical ailments? To be specific: Mark 6:13 and James 5:14 are just a couple of them. Anyway...turns out, it's true. I know, imagine that. I have a good friend who has been singing the praises of essential oils for about a year now and all the amazing things she and her family have experienced because of them. ** Here's where I'm going to reveal my prideful, know-it-all, ugly self. It's not pretty and I like to pretend that I do not have this in me but I do. ** I was truly happy that she and her family were having such great results like not getting sick as often as before, no one has needed antibiotics for infections and they are getting real relief from allergies. All of which is awesome but like I said, the ugly part of me surfaced and was whispering in my ear that no one in her house has a chronic illness or chronic pain so really, how effective would it be for me?  Um, yeah... so t...

Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be bold, but don't bully. Be humble, but not shy. Be confident, but not arrogant. I don't know who came up with the above quote but I'm pretty sure they were on to something. I often cross these lines. Sometimes on a daily basis, if I'm honest. That's not an easy thing to admit either. We will call that pride... I try to live my life by the golden rule-- you know, the one found in Luke 6. I often fail miserably at that too. I find that I don't really want to put myself out there in the world in any capacity where things I say or do might come back to bite me. Because believe me, I  WILL  do or say something stupid that I will have to own up to. It's just a matter of time. I was thinking about this today when I went for a run. Running can either be my friend or foe mentally. It gives me time to process and do some introspection. Often times it brings crap to the surface that I...

Maybe it's being on this side of 40 but, I have come to realize that there are things in life that are just fine by me. While down and out this weekend with a lovely virus I did a little introspection. 1. I want to be healthy and fit. By this statement, I do not mean cover of a fitness magazine healthy and fit.       I'm going to take care of myself. I will try to eat right, drink lots of water and exercise regularly. I'll exercise when I can and not lose sleep over when I can't.       I won't guilt myself out of the occasional dessert or berate myself for the venti hazelnut latte with whole milk either. I will enjoy the moments life gives us to celebrate.       I won't weigh myself everyday or compare the size of my thighs with Miranda Kerr's. (Besides, she'd lose if we went on the larger number and I'd hate to give her a complex.) On that note, my thighs and rear end may not be firm enough to bounce a coin off of and neither will ...

As you know, Robin Williams passed away yesterday by taking his own life. This is a terrible tragedy and one that is so hard to understand when he seemed to want for nothing.  Depression is like that though, a deceitful and sneaky disease. Often it's sufferers exhibit no outwardly obvious signs of it's severity. It is most often a battle fought in the dark corners of a person's mind. It is so powerful and persuasive in it's mission to destroy and it is often successful. Depression is a cancer of the mind. I have struggled with depression off and on for many years. Until you've experienced it, it is very hard to comprehend how invasive and manipulative this disease is. I can only describe it as heavy. I looked up the definition of heavy  and was surprised to see how many meanings it has both as an adjective and a noun. I'd venture to say that almost each one can relate to depression.  Depression is like having a 50 pound weight strapped to your bac...

Every year about this time we start preparing for "Back to School". I consider this the beginning of the real New Year. When you have kids in school, August is more like January. It entails extensive goal and list making. It spurs an organization frenzy. New clothes, shoes and supplies are bought in order to ensure success in all areas of life from personal image to academic standing. Yes, August brings excitement and a renewed sense of purpose for us, a chance to start again on a blank canvas. With one child in college, my August preparations have lessened quite a bit. College Boy is now responsible for his own personal image and academic standing. Of course, there is the check writing by us that makes this possible plus the friendly and encouraging accountability texts and phone calls to help guide him along the way. I must say, I do not miss the trips to Office Max to fight over supplies. Son #2 is a senior in high school this year. The Senior Year. The amount of stuff...