A is for Acceptance

My cousin emailed me a couple of weeks ago challenging me to participate in April's A to Z Blog Challenge. I like it but I'm not always regular with my blogging. I blog for fun and stress relief so putting a deadline or strict timeline parameters on me takes the fun and most importantly, the therapeutic release away from it. I will lose interest super fast and begin to stress over it which totally defeats the purpose of why I blog.  I decided to follow the guidelines on my own time instead and even though it's March 25th,  I'm doing my 1st post in my own A-Z Challenge.

A is for Acceptance

January 29, 2015: official Crohn's disease diagnosis.

Week 8 as a Crohnie: Anger slowly being replaced with acceptance.

I know I really don't have a choice in the matter of accepting the fact that I have Crohn's and staying angry will be very destructive in the long run. Yes, it's natural to be upset, it's part of the grieving process after all. The process is meant to be healthy, to help deal with emotions that left unattended fester and become cancerous growths in the mind. When it's time, the mind, body and soul can move forward to find a healthier and hopefully, happier balance.

I am making a choice to move forward, to stop being mad, to focus on the positive. It's necessary or I will find myself in a black hole of unhealthy mind traps.

We just came home from spring break in Arizona. We spent a few days laying in the sun and wandering around Phoenix which was wonderful and much needed. We decided to explore Sedona for a couple of days before heading home and wow! What an amazing place! I wish I could just move there for a few months and take the time to fully heal and restore my body and mind in the beautiful handiwork of God the Creator.

I could just sit and soak up the sun for days.
Or stare at the gorgeous canyon walls. Or walk among the native plants smelling the rich soil...

These photos do not do the beauty of the area justice.  The colors and even the smell cannot be captured by man.

When you are here you feel much closer to nature. The peace and quiet of the land envelopes you and allows you to escape the daily toll of real life. You feel your shoulders relax and the tension of your neck subside. It is truly a place of healing.

As we wound through the canyons on our way home, I felt my rage against Crohn's begin to subside. We are not meant to hold on to such powerful emotions for long for they can turn against us and create negative habits. Anger demands to be dealt with. It must be acknowledged, to sweep it under the rug or deny it's existence or even to fuel it can bring about devastating consequences.

Today. Right now, I'm choosing to let go of the anger and disappointment of the Crohn's diagnosis. I will not allow it to control me any longer.

I just took my Humira injection and am now icing the sore spot on my leg. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the burn of the medicine entering my body. Oh well, it's a small price to pay in order to be healthy. This was my 4th injection and I pray I start seeing significant improvement. Things are moving so dang slow! I know I'm getting better but I'm very frustrated with the time scale here. By this time after my ileostomy/rectum surgeries I was running. It was a slow run with lots of walking but I was exercising at least. This is not the case now. I couldn't run if my life depended on it. I'm barely able to walk at a normal pace to get the mail at the end of the block and back again with out feeling like someone punched me in the gut. Doc says it will get better, I was in really bad shape and I'm dealing with active disease. He says I'm too hard on myself. Maybe so, I don't know, I just want to be normal again.

See that? That last sentence in the above paragraph? That's what I'm talking about, that's the dangerous place my mind has a habit of going to. My new normal is a life dealing with Crohn's, I cannot allow myself to wish it wasn't so. I must accept this fact in order to move forward, to find a new normal with hope and excitement for the future.

I love this quote from Maya Angelou. What an amazing person! This is my new mantra, I must thrive or the darkness will overcome me. Every day I get up and decide that today, this day, I must be thankful that my feet are on the ground. I must let go of the disappointment and push through the unknown of living with chronic illness and pain. I must put my focus on things that are praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).

I told my hubby the other day that I couldn't dwell on the what if's like, what if the Humira doesn't work? What if I am always in pain? What if I have another flare? What if ...
It's too dangerous for me to go there. I will live in constant fear if I do.

If I am going to move ahead, I must have a positive mindset. This, I've discovered, is much easier said than done. I can often feel the negative creeping in trying to steal my joy. Not going to happen anymore! No sir, I'm wearing the big A for acceptance now so back it on up!

I'm going to own this disease.

It will rue the day it came to live in my intestines!

That is all.


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