Beauty in the Broken Places

I'm breaking my blog silence finally.

It's been an incredibly rough couple of years to say the least. My life has been turned upside down, right side up then upside down again. I think I just might be on my way up once more...

I hope anyway.

My heart is broken and in the process of healing, something I fear may take a lifetime. My husband and I decided to end our 24 year marriage this year. It was not an easy decision. I will not air the details here as it is no one's business but ours. From this point forward, we are concentrating on our friendship, our boys and making the best of this situation.

Have you heard of the Japanese pottery art of filling broken pieces with gold to put a vessel back together?

It's a practice called kintsukuroi meaning "to repair with gold." This particular art has touched me deeply.  As I said, my heart is broken and it will never be the same again. The scars that life leaves behind can be devastating and ugly. I don't want ugly scars! (I guess I'm too vain for that.) My body is a roadmap of scars from various surgeries and I just can't stand the thought of my heart being disfigured too. I don't want to hide away, embarrassed by the cracks in my soul. I want to stand tall and say I survived this and I survived because a power higher than myself pieced me back together in a most beautiful way. I want to look at the broken pieces and see the shining gold He used to make me whole again. I want to see beauty in the broken places.

I want to trace the veins of gold and know I came out of some deep dark valleys that were meant to kill me. To know that I survived, that I was carried when I couldn't walk anymore. I want to cherish those times for the precious lessons learned, the grace shown, the comfort given and most of all, the wisdom gained. All of these are far more precious than the gold that fills the cracks.

I have not traveled this road alone. Not only has God been by my side but my family and so many dear friends have stopped to help me along. Some by a simple text at the right moment and others by keeping me from hiding away in the safety and comfort of my home. The outpour of love and support has both humbled me and added gold to the breaks in my foundation. I can truly say I am blessed by some amazing people. The smallest acts of kindness have not gone unnoticed, each one is tattooed on my soul and will forever remain there.

So here I go again, choosing life over death and committing to living it abundantly. Jeremiah 29:11 continues to be a promise of strength and encouragement for me. I don't know where I would be with out the love of my Father.