Life in a Bag

I have an ileostomy which means I do not have a large intestine or colon. 
I poop in a bag from a stoma located on my lower right abdomen.
A stoma is a small section of the bowel that opens on the outside of the abdominal area allowing waste to leave the body.
I will live with this for the rest of my life.
My ileostomy is the result of battling Ulcerative Colitis for 7 years.
It sucked.

I tried countless remedies, both medical and homeopathic.
Eventually, nothing worked and my colon gave up the fight.
But I'm OK.
I actually like my stoma.
Her name is Lilly for little ileostomy.
Having an ostomy changed my life completely. 
It gave me something I'd been missing for a long time.
Quality of life.
And probably quantity too.
I have no problem discussing Lilly or the UC that caused her.
I want to be asked about Inflammatory Bowel Disease or IBD.
What I've found to be true is this:
There are a lot of people out there just like me who are struggling with IBD.
They are embarrassed, scared and lonely.
I know, I was too.
There is help available.
Others who suffer the same thing, life with an invisible disease, are closer than you think.
Autoimmune diseases are tough but we are tougher.
We can band together.
We can support one another.
We can do this.
All we really want is a friend who will talk shit with us.
Literally.
I know it's crass, but that's just the way it is.
IBD is hard because it makes people uncomfortable.
It's not an easy topic to start.
Poop is not dinner party friendly.
I may not have UC anymore thanks to my ostomy,
 but,
I still struggle with some of the symptoms of the disease.
Joint pain.
Body aches.
Fatigue.
Depression.
Diarrhea. (yes, an ostomate can still have diarrhea)
Dehydration.
These are just a few and the ones I struggle with the most.
I'll still take this over my large intestine and colon any day though.
Sometimes, I even have phantom pain. 
Yes, that's a real thing.
Before the ostomy, I would have EMERGENCY trips to the bathroom.
My intestines would cramp and I would have a pain so fierce
 it could put me on my knees any where at any time.
The urge to relieve my bowels would be so intense and painful 
it would take my breath away.
The urge.
This is the phantom pain I am talking about.
Even now, 2 years later with an ostomy, I still feel this urge.
It's not as painful now.
More of a noticeable uncomfortableness.
It no longer takes my breath away or brings tears to my eyes.
It only lasts a few seconds and then it's gone.
Weird.
But I guess there is nothing normal about disease.
I am proud to say that I have an ostomy.
My life is much better, fuller, happier, stronger, richer because of it.
I am more active, more outgoing, more productive, more alive with it.
It's a part of who I am now.
And I'm OK with that.
Really.

























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