H is for Hope

H is for Hope.

It's been a terribly long road for us. All this mess started back in early November with no clear answer as to what was happening to me, my body until late January when Crohn's was finally diagnosed.

To say that news was devastating would be a gross understatement.

I had worked so hard over the last 3 years to become healthy post ostomy surgery, post Ulcerative Colitis, post near death. I was enjoying an active lifestyle until one day I wasn't. Pain slowly crept in to my daily life threatening to rob me of all joy.

Crohn's has managed to single handedly mangle my hope.

I am fighting everyday for some sort of normalcy. I long to eat, drink and be merry with everyone.

I am trying.

I am fighting.

I am hoping that each day brings me closer to health and happiness. I am hoping that life with Crohn's will eventually just become life again, that Crohn's will no longer try to upstage me.

My hope is to turn this negative into a positive but I am struggling to find the formula to do so. I won't give up though. I can't give up.

I've lived in this void of hope and happiness long enough. I'm buying a one-way ticket outta here!

I opened my mail yesterday to find this beauty. I cried big ugly tears, snotty nose kleenex tears, not because I was sad but because someone knows what it's like to be here in this moment of loss, confusion and pain. I felt relief that I don't always have to fake feeling good, because I do-- I fake it a lot. I can make sick look good.

It's crazy but suddenly, I feel like I can keep going. Keep trying. Keep hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.


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