The Vanity Monster

We are slowly sneaking up on July which is making me panic a bit. July is jam packed and in the middle is a Bahama cruise for the hubby and me. This is the reason for my panic. In my dreams, I am fabulously fit and smashingly gorgeous by the time we set foot on that boat; but in reality, I am frumpy and pudgy still. Don't get me wrong--I have come a long way since I started this trek in February--but you know how it is. My dreams are highly unrealistic since my self discipline is somewhat undisciplined. 

Time to focus on the positive as I often tell my kids. 

     I am healthier. 

     I am exercising more and more. 

     Exercise is getting easier and I do enjoy it. 

     I am much more knowledgeable about the body and staying healthy.

I just wish I could twinkle my nose and be at my goal...of course, then I wouldn't appreciate it. I'd like to try though...

So, now I'm on the count down. 18 days to departure. I must make the most of these days and try to hold to some sort of a disciplined exercise schedule and food choices. Food choices. Hummm, not hard for me on my own as I just eat to stay alive and often forget to eat when I am busy. What I'm saying here is, I am not tempted by most foods. I even prefer healthy. However, Shannon is the exact opposite. He wakes up thinking about dinner. Because what he eats for dinner will dictate what he eats for lunch and breakfast. He lives to eat. I guess that's part of having a penis. And since we are married, we share most of our meals. His metabolism burns at a much, much higher rate than mine making it hard for me to burn off the yummy meals we eat. The man is in constant motion, even when sleeping. 

I am past my child bearing years so why does my body feel the need to "nurture" the extra weight? Yes, I am curvy even when at my thinnest, which is fine! I like looking like a woman especially since I share a home with 1 man boy and 2 boy men. I just need to get those curves in the right proportions and a bit less wobbly. 

I have noticed my shape changing since I began my journey to fitness. The scale doesn't say much difference but I'm OK with that as long as my appearance keeps changing. I have lost an extra chin I was sporting and my clothes are fitting better. My wrinkles are coming out of hiding since the fat that was plumping them has lessened. Now I'm wondering, which is worse? Fat face and wrinkle free or wrinkles and striking cheek bones? 

I promise, I'm not normally this shallow and appearance obsessed. At least that's what I like to think anyway. It seems that when a person is trying to better themselves by loosing weight, vanity becomes the focus. I don't really like this and am embarrassed to realize just how vain I actually am. I went through a hideous ugly stage from age 11 -16. Once the braces came off, contacts went in and various parts of the body finally showed up I felt  pretty good about myself. This was the beginning of the vanity monster. I've never been popular (understatement) which is fine. I am a bit socially challenged or "quirky" which doesn't help either. I am weird.  And I have never been mainstream-- I'm OK with that, really. I just want to look my best and feel my best. My vanity is more for my family than anyone else. I want Shannon to find me attractive. I want to look in the FULL length mirror and be pleased. 

So now, I guess I need to up my routine if I really want to make a difference by the time we fly to Miami. Which means, I must get off my glutes and start working them...