Struggles of a UC girl trying to lose weight...

UHG. I've been on this road too long. I'm trying to lose the prednisone weight that I packed on through this journey with Ulcerative Colitis and every time I feel like I'm making progress, I have a set back. FRUSTRATION is the new "F" word in my vocabulary.

2 weeks ago, I stress fractured my foot which has made exercise much harder. Prior to this, I was in a great routine! Following my diet of 1200 calories a day, eating healthy foods and working out almost daily. If I felt the need for something on the NO-NO list of foods I would find an acceptable substitute or have a very small serving just to satisfy the craving. Then I would make a point to exercise to balance out the "treat." It was working! I was feeling great and even loosing some pounds and an inch or two. Until...I stepped off the treadmill one day after working out.

The next thing I know, I have a Darth Vader boot on my left foot. I was crushed! My whole fitness mindset crumbled as soon as that stupid boot was strapped on. It just seems like every time I start to get ahead, I receive a big stinking blow that sets me back. My confidence suffered a much bigger stress fracture than my foot.

Well, for the next few days I really struggled with my new crippled state. My trainer tried to be encouraging and kept me coming to the gym to do upper body strengthening exercises, but my heart just wasn't in it.

I had fallen off the wagon as far as the diet was concerned. I allowed myself to splurge out of self-pity. The self-pity  soon began to slide into self-loathing as I continued to splurge. After 3 weeks of eating very healthy foods, my body had adapted to the new lifestyle and liked it. It was not fond of my new found freedom for splurging. I began to have some cramping issues and other UC symptoms that had faded over the past 3 weeks. My trips to the bathroom began to rise as did the urgency of those trips. I was swirling in a downward spiral quickly.

Sunday night, I awoke at 3:37 am (to be exact) with major nausea and cramping. I thought for sure I was going to be very ill. I got up and went to the living room where I sat and contemplated my current situation. I was convicted of my lack of self-disciple and sheer disregard for my healthy habits. After a little time in prayer, I began to feel better. The cramping subsided enough that I could relax. With the cramping fading, the nausea began to do the same. Around 6 in the morning I relaxed enough to return to bed.

It dawned on me later the next day what had actually taken place at 3:37 am. Granted, my body was rebelling against the splurging, but more importantly, when I fell off the wagon--I held on to the reigns and was dragging behind the horses. The thing is- I should have never been holding the reigns. God couldn't help me through the emotional breakdown of the fractured foot because I wouldn't let him. I thought I was doing great on my own until I wasn't. Now I see that. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have derailed if I'd kept God in focus; what I am saying is, I probably wouldn't have fallen so hard. I would've been stronger and less susceptible to self-loathing because His voice would've been stronger and more comforting.

The foot fracture caused me to give up hope. My point of view changed in that very second. With that, came an emotional breakdown I was not expecting. My body doesn't handle stress like most people, it goes straight to my colon and wreaks havoc! This added to my frustration which in turn, added to my stress level resulting in even more UC issues. It is a vicious cycle once started. Even though my mindset is working back to where it should be, it will take my body a while to catch up.

Yesterday (Monday) was rough. The lack of sleep did me no favors. The trips to the bathroom kept me home most of the day. I was exhausted from it too. By the time dinner rolled around, I was a zombie. We sat at the table as a family and it was all I could do not to lay my head in my plate. My bathroom trips continued into late evening but the cramping was beginning to lighten up. I don't even remember getting in bed. I slept all night in one place with out moving an inch. When I woke up this morning, I found the sun shining bright and my tummy seemed a little better. The other notable difference--peace.

I feel peaceful today! I haven't felt this in a while, which makes me realize how much I was trying to do in my own power. Geez, you would think after 38--excuse me--30-GREAT years of life I would remember this little fact.

So, yet another lesson learned. I can do this weight loss thing if I keep my perspectives straight. Broken foot or not, God still gives me strength to follow through. Another bit of wisdom gained here, something will always try to knock you off course, it's how you deal with it that makes the difference. Will you toss and turn blindly in the waves of emotion or focus on the light house that God provides for guidance?

Comments

  1. I like the Lighthouse! Go to the Light, go to the Light. It's calming there.
    Love you girl! Hang tough and call me I'll be your reinforcement! : )

    ReplyDelete

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