things I thought I knew...

I have had an awesome 2 weeks since returning home from the fitness ranch. I am amazed at the things I've learned and actually been able to incorporate into my life since. Thankful for the super cool people I met while there too. My life has been greatly enriched and my heart has swelled with new friendships. (This pic is at the top of a "hill" we climbed on a long hike: 9-miles to be exact.)

The biggest impact was the breaking down of some mental strongholds I had. I didn't realize how I had handicapped myself with this stupid disease. I am a positive person and try to look at the glass half full whenever I can, but this dang UC really did a number on me. I did not realize what a vicious cycle I was in. Here was my thinking: I need to exercise. I don't feel good. If I exercise I will feel better. It will help me be stronger and stay healthier- BUT if I push myself too hard I will have a relapse. I don’t want to get sick again. Every time I get in a routine, my system goes wacky! Where do I start? What do I do? What will be most beneficial? This is too hard, too frustrating. CRRRAAAAP! Screw this. Where's my book? I'm going to sit in my chair and read or face book...

So there ya go, the honest and ugly truth, that's why I chose to go to Rancho Cortez. I was able to start on day one by immersing myself completely into changing my outlook on getting healthy. Yes, I have weight to lose, and believe me I want it gone! But more than that, I want to be healthy overall. I want to think healthy thoughts, to eat and desire healthy food, to have a healthy lifestyle. This is my goal and I felt that if I went somewhere for a few days-5 to be exact- I could develop some healthy habits. Little did I know how much it would affect me.

By the third day I was sooo exhausted I could barely stay awake through dinner. The levels of workouts were hard but do-able. The trainers were awesome and they pushed and encouraged and built you up. You felt stronger in the atmosphere they provided. You began to realize that you are fully capable of things you didn't think were possible. You believed in yourself because you had no choice. As fatigue and muscle soreness enveloped my body a strange thing happened. I began to let go of the comfort zones I had surrounded myself with. Some were a gradual loosening and others came down like an avalanche. I began to feel more and more like my old self again. The pre-UC Monnie. I had forgotten how fun I am! ;~)

Seriously, as the walls began to crumble I started seeing the beautiful blue sky and the brilliance of a new tomorrow. Every morning we started the day with a 2-mile walk before breakfast. Since this was done at our own pace, I took the opportunity to really focus on one specific thing each day. One small step to finding myself again. Mostly, I focused on heart issues since the trainers took care of the physical. I took the 30-minute walk to explore my fears and bring them to the surface of the abyss they had created. By bringing them into the light I slowly learned that they were nothing but lies. I have the ability to take authority over them. They could no longer hold me down because my God is bigger than they are. With Him on my side, what could harm me? I came to the conclusion that I have a choice- a choice to live free.

Now I realize this is not exactly a lightening bolt for most but for me, on that day, it was. It was earth shattering. I was handed a master key that lead me out of bondage.