I am no good on my own...
I desperately need God.

Had an epiphany this weekend. I am a bit embarrassed by it too. Seems I've been trying to live life with out the help of my Creator. Very hard, wouldn't suggest it. I just thought I'd give it a go with my own wisdom, I know better than this.

It doesn't take long for things to spiral out of control. Probably because I never really had control in the first place. Geez, these are the hardest lessons to learn.

Heard a message by Graham Cooke, a prophetic man of God, the other day. He was talking about struggling with illness and he said something that stuck with me.

"I am a whole (wo)man fighting sickness, 
not a sick (wo)man trying to get well." 

Wow! This has become my new mantra! I have to keep reminding myself that God is bigger than UC. I am not UC, I am a person who is struggling with UC. UC does not own me.

Sometimes, I think physical illness is more of a mental battle than anything else. It's hard not to get caught up in the overwhelming tide of pain and depression that comes with chronic illness. I am not trying to lesson the severity of disease, I'm just saying that it will over take a person's mind if you don't stay plugged into something bigger. For me--bigger = God.

It's Monday-again...

Time to start a new week and hopefully stay on track. I have a lot to do as I am leaving for California on Friday!! WoooHooo! I am so excited to see my sister and her family!

I am also starting a new weight loss plan. I have sat at the same spot for a while now. Granted my exercise program cratered when I started feeling bad and then needed to have the scope done, but now that I'm feeling better-- time to get back on the horse again.

It's been 3 weeks since my last work out...this might be rough.

Also, need to change my diet. Going to try for less carbs as long as my colon stays calm. When I have colon issues, raw veggies and fruit are killers. I end up eating lots of bread, rice and pastas. And not the whole grains either, as they are harder to digest. To eat veggies during a bad colon time I have to cook them to a mushy state. Appetizing, right?!

Finding more gray hair on a daily basis, it seems. I'm not to concerned about getting older since there is no way of stopping it; however, I do wonder what I will look like once my whole head turns from dark brown to a silver white. My skin is so fair and with white hair I might look like a q-tip. I really don't want to try to dye it and have to maintain that. Good grief, that alone could take over my life.

Since I am still carrying extra weight, my wrinkles are filled out nicely. This makes me wonder if I will age 20 years if I loose the 30+ pounds I want to get rid of...


  1. Monnie, while the Bible isn't clear on the issue, I often have thought that Paul's "thorn" was some kind of physical illness.

    Bless you, Sweet Monnie. You are such an inspiration to all of us, and to me, who struggles with a lesser illness but who can hear your courage.

    Keep battling! God love you!!


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