Tired, Anxious and Tired

I'm not having a very good day. Despite sleeping well I woke up tired. Damn autoimmune crap. ---See that's not a good sign, cuss words before 10am...
Well, I better get my act together because I'm hosting Bible study in less than 2 hours.

Addiction paraphernalia:
Bday gift from Thomas,
a chalkboard mug :)
Today's plan: wait around house for starter dose of Humira to be delivered. I'm feeling very anxious about this new medicine, of course it could be the cup(s) of coffee I am consuming. Some people turn to alcohol, I turn to coffee.
I'm nervous that Humira won't work. I'm hoping and praying like mad that it's the miracle drug my doc say it is.

I'm scared of never getting out of this flare. I haven't flared in over 3 years now and I forgot how awful it is. How it affects the entire body. This morning I ran my hand through my hair when I got up and ended up with a handful of loose hair. Great, that's just wonderful. I'm going to go bald as a bonus.
Humira info packet
complete with "talking pen" 

What if Humira doesn't work? I know I shouldn't go there but I'm having trouble controlling that part of my mind. I guess I will find out tomorrow what to really expect from Humira. I have an appointment with my GI to educate me on it and teach me how to do the injections tomorrow. The starting dose is 4 injections... yikes! However, I am excited about the self-administering at home aspect of the medicine. How convenient! When I took Remicade, it was an all day thing having to go to the diagnostic clinic and hook up to an IV and take the 3 hour infusion. Honestly it was exhausting. I would come home and go to bed most of the time. I've heard Humira makes you very tired the day of injection so I will be prepared for that. I've also heard that many who take/took it felt better immediately. God, please let that be true for me too.

I've read the packet and played with the pen which is like a real one only no needle and it talks. Kind of creepy actually but it does talk you through the process very clearly. I hope it's as easy as it seems. I give myself B12 shots with a syringe surely this will be easier as it "pops" the needle and pushes the medicine on it's own when I push a button. I won't even see the needle. This is a good thing, I sometimes have to pump myself up to do the B12 shot because it freaks me out to see the needle pierce my skin. It doesn't even hurt, I'm such a sissy!

I gotta go clean up for Bible study, maybe wash my mouth out too... It's going to take a lot of my energy just to shower. I hate these kinds of days. I always think of a ton of stuff I want to do but don't have the energy for. I'm also hurting today, lots of pain in my abdomen. Nothing unusual I think, just hurts. Another day of Hydrocodone, yay me.


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