Awaiting the scope...

It's Tuesday evening and I have just finished eating dinner. I will not be eating dinner tomorrow, instead I will be chugging down Magnesium Citrate Oral Solution, effervescent saline laxative. Don't you wish you could trade places with me! Which means I will then spend countless hours in the bathroom "evacuating" all waste from my intestinal tract. Then the next morning--get ready-- I will become intimately acquainted with two, yes the #2, fleet enemas. Seriously, wanna trade places??  (I wish they made a puffy leather reclining toilet, maybe even with a massage thingy like the pedicure chairs...) All this so I can be sedated for 30 minutes while my doctor shoves a camera up my rump to take a "peak" at the colon. After this "peak," my insurance will be billed for umpteen thousand dollars and we will spend the next 6 months receiving bills from my doctor as our insurance s-l-o-w-l-y pays out.

I am not looking forward to it to say the least. To say that I LOATHE this procedure, is not strong enough. This is not my first rodeo with the butt scope. Nope, I had my first one at age 20. Yep, fun times people. In the last 6 years I've had 8. The first one at age 20, I was not sedated. I think I lost part of my mind on that table. For whatever reason, my doc at that time didn't feel general anesthesia was necessary. I beg to differ. The next 8 I was completely knocked out for. However, my last colonoscopy, I woke up in the middle of. NOT pleasant at all. I plan to ask Dr. Lusby for a double dose and maybe a doggy bag to go home with. I don't think this is too much to ask for.

Besides all the "prep work" that goes into taking a peak at one's colon, there is the em-BARE-ASS-ment factor of the whole procedure. Really, it's no joke. My doc is a guy close to my age and he happens to be easy on the eyes too. Not that this should matter, but when it comes down to it--it does. I have had 2 children, large amounts of steroids and gained 47 pounds. Need I say any more??

Oh well. Such is life I guess.


  1. Magnesium Citrate...I give you 2 minutes


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