a new day

What a difference a day makes. I am surprised at this! After yesterday, I thought my road was long and full of pot holes. Today, there are orange cones guiding me around the pot holes. I'm certain that tomorrow, the road pavers will begin fixing those holes.

I didn't make it to Thomas' early game this morning and I probably won't make the noon game either, but I am planning on the last game this afternoon. This makes me happy.

I don't know how many of you have ever struggled or do struggle with depression but I do. The first thing I want to say about depression is that you don't realize you're depressed until you manage to come out on the other side. Just like the tornadoes that sweep across the panhandle, depression can hit when you least expect it. It can be devastating.

I have taken meds for depression for over 15 years now. My depression is considered a clinical type. In other words, my brain does not produce enough serotonin to keep healthy levels of it in my body. When the serotonin runs low-so do I. I had a hard time grasping this because, I always thought your life had to be a mess to justify depression. I am fortunate to lead a blessed life. That's not to say things have always been easy; they haven't, but I love my life. I wouldn't change a thing. Well, except maybe the UC. Anyway, my chemical make-up is messed up so I need "happy hooligan pills" as my late Gramps said.

I love sun light and it drives me crazy to have the windows covered on beautiful sunny days. If the skies are cloudy for more than a couple of days I really, really struggle. I even bought a sun lamp that I pull out quite a bit in the winter to sit under. I guess my photosynthesis doesn't work right either. When I can be outside enjoying the vast world God created I am at my best. This is why I think I am supposed to live somewhere tropical, perhaps a beach...

So back to depression. There is nothing wrong with seeking help if you feel things are not right. I often felt like I was under water trying to breath. I could see the outside world and wanted to be part of it but just didn't have the energy. My body actually hurt physically and still does sometimes. I felt overwhelmed and disoriented at times. All I wanted to do was sleep. It was maddening! I thought I was going crazy and no one would understand. I was wrong. You don't think clearly when in the midst of depression. Sometimes you need help and don't know how to ask for it. Depression can be a dark and lonely place but there is always someone who is willing to help you out of it.

There are many therapies available for depression too. I do several things as well as taking an anti-depressant. I try to exercise on a regular basis. This is huge for my type of depression as it helps to release endorphins that help me feel better. I also get massages now and then which helps with the physical pain as well. Eating right is also key. But mostly, I try to stay plugged in to my Bible and keep my relationship with God a priority. When that slips, I struggle more.

I have sought professional help before. I saw a counselor for a while after my first son was born. It was helpful and freeing of some old baggage I thought I needed to carry. I have a wonderful group of friends who help me too. They are people I trust to speak into my life. They may not always tell me what I want to hear but that is exactly why I love them. They are great support. My family, which is crazy too, is a huge part of my life. When I spend time with them I know and understand unconditional love better. None of us are perfect but we love each other in spite of our flaws. I can't imagine life with out them. My husband is amazing too. He is always supportive and wise. He is a positive person and helps me to look past my own barriers. He sees me at my worst and still loves me. With out him I would be truly lost. It is important that I surround myself with people who will be real with me. Life is too short to not live in the now.

I urge you to seek help if you feel like depression is hanging over you. There are so many options other than pills. You are not alone; nor, are you nuts! In fact, you're probably more normal than you think!


  1. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. I too suffer from depression and it helps to know I am not alone and I am ok. Love you Monnie!!!!!!

  2. Thought I would come see your latest posts and came across this one. I just finshed a post on depression. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is such a comfort to know that I am not alone (nor am I crazy)! Hope you are feeling better these days (both physically and emotionally!). :)


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