Persevere

Having any kind of chronic illness takes perseverance. Perseverance to keep getting out of bed every morning and push through the darkness of unending pain. A strong desire to not let sickness claim one's very being. Sometimes it's hard to see past the constant reminders of not being whole.

Even after ridding my body of Ulcerative Colitis via an ileostomy, I still struggle to remember that illness isn't lurking behind every corner. Years of dealing with horrible pain and handfuls of daily pills took a toll on my psyche. I catch myself hesitating to plan too far ahead for fear of not being able to keep the commitment. My first thought of the future is often prefaced by "what if I don't feel good..." How do I break this because it seem so ingrained in me after so many disappointments through the years? 

It all comes down to perseverance. I must forge ahead and remind myself on a daily basis that I can do this! I have to get out of my own head and not think, does that make sense? This is why I love running. It allows me to loose myself in music, an audio book, or podcast. My brain is forced to focus on putting one foot in front of the other in order to get from point A to point B. Other work outs don't seem to have the same effect as running for me. It must be the constant motion that keeps my mind from freezing up with fear. "An object in motion tends to stay in motion." 

This is my new mantra today. It sums up everything I need to do in 10 pointed words. 

1. STRONG~ When I looked this word up, there were 24 definitions listed for it. 24! This is a powerful word, obviously. It is defined as: *Having, showing, or able to exert great bodily or muscular power. *Mentally powerful or vigorous. *Especially able, competent, or powerful in a specific field or respect. *Of great moral power, firmness or courage. *Powerful in influence, authority and resources, or means of prevailing or succeeding. *Aggressive or willful. *Of great force, effectiveness, potency. *Clear and firm; loud. *solid or stable; healthy; thriving. *Well-supplied or rich in something specific. *Having powerful means to resist attack, assault or aggression. *Able to resist strain, force, wear. *Decisively unyielding; firm or uncompromising. *Fervent; zealous; thoroughgoing. *Strenuous or energetic; vigorous.*Distinct or marked; vivid, as impressions, resemblance or contrast. *Intense, as light or color. *Having a large proportion of the effective or essential properties or ingredients; concentrated. Yes I believe STRONG is what I want to be.
2. HEART~ This word has 18 definitions! It can refer to very literally to one's anatomy or in a broader sense to one's emotions. Here is what I like: *The center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion. *The center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of intellect. *Spirit, courage, or enthusiasm. *The innermost or central part of anything. *The vital or essential part; core.
3. QUIT~ Simply stated: *To stop, cease or discontinue. *To give up or resign; let go. *To stop trying, struggling, or the like; to accept or acknowledge defeat. How many dreams did I give up due to chronic illness? I felt defeated.
4. STAY WITH GOD~ There isn't a definition for this sentence; but for me, it is as essential as bread and water. I can tell you STAY is defined as *To hold out or endure, as in a contest or task. *To keep up. *To continue to be as specified, as to condition or state. So, I will cling to HIM because that's where I draw my strength to persevere.